| Full page →Your basic attack becomes a lobbed shot with splash damage but deals 2 damage to you. | Physical | — |
| Gain +6 Strength while you have 5 or fewer HP. | Mental | -2 SPD |
| Gain +6 Speed while you have 5 or fewer HP. | Mental | -2 STR |
| Full page →Start each battle with All Stats Down 2. Gain All Stats Up 3 whenever you eat a pill. You have a 50% chance to find a pill at the end of each battle. | — | — |
| Full page →You have 5 seconds to make decisions, or else this cat acts on its own. | Birth defectMental | +1 INT+2 SPD |
| Full page →Fire damage you take inflicts +3 Burn. Your basic attack has a 25% chance to inflict Fear. | Birth defect | — |
| Full page →When you take damage, you have a 10% chance to gain Bleed 1. Gain 2 Charge for each damage you take from Bleed. | Birth defect | — |
| Full page →+10% Dodge chance. When you take damage, run away from the source. | Mental | — |
| Full page →Spells you were born with cost -2 mana. Other spells cost +1 mana. | Birth defect | +2 INT-2 CHA |
| Full page →On the first round, take your turn last. At the start of that turn, do a Mega Fart attack that inflicts Poison 2. | Disease | — |
| Full page →Start each battle with either +5 Intelligence, +5 Charisma, and +5 Speed or All Stats Down 2. | Birth defectMental | — |
| Full page →Start each battle in Mockingbird Form. You have a 20% chance to recover at the end of each battle. Contagious. | Disease | — |
| Full page →You have a 10% to be AI controlled each turn. When an ally cat is downed, restore all your mana. | — | — |
| You can unequip cursed items. | — | -2 CON |
| When you kill a unit, take an extra turn with Madness. | Mental | — |
| Full page →+1 Brace. You spawn a puddle of creep whenever you get hit. You can't equip face armor. | Disease | -2 CHA |
| Full page →+50% dodge chance. Doomed 3. | Magic | — |
| Full page →You can't use item actions. +2 Brace. | MentalPhysical | — |
| Full page →Gain twice as many stats when you level up. +1 Reroll when leveling up. | — | -10 INT-5 CHA |
| Full page →Take your turn earlier. Immune to Fear and Madness. Attacks against you never miss. | Mental | — |
| Full page →You can't equip trinkets or consumables. +2 Thorns. | Physical | -2 SPD |
| Full page →At the end of each battle, lose 3 random stats permanently and gain a random mutation. | Disease | — |
| Full page →Bruise 1. You cannot be Burned. | Physical | — |
| — | +4 CON |
| Full page →Start each battle with All Stats Down, Poison 1, and Weakness 1. Your basic attack inflicts Poison 1 and Weakness 1. 15% chance of recovering at the end of each round. Contagious. | Disease | — |
| Full page →At the end of your turn, you have a 20% chance to poop all over the place! | Physical | — |
| At end of your turn, deal 1 damage to all units and heal for the damage dealt. Whenever you down an ally gain All Stats Up. | — | — |
| You can't equip weapons. | Physical | -3 STR+2 CHA |
| Full page →Bleed 1. You can't equip trinkets or consumables. Bonus ability: Bloodzerk. | Physical | -2 CON |
| — | — |
| Full page →Adjacent units get All Stats Down 2. | Birth defectMental | -1 STR-1 dex-1 CON-1 INT-1 SPD-1 LCK-1 CHA |
| Full page →When you end your turn, if you haven't eaten food, gain All Stats Down and Confusion 1. Each time you eat food, cleanse all your debuffs and gain +1 Intelligence. | Birth defectPhysical | — |
| Full page →At the end of each battle gain +10% crit chance, +25% crit damage, and +5% miss chance. Permanently. You can't equip face armor. | Disease | — |
| Full page → | Birth defect | +3 CON-8 INT+7 CHA |
| Full page →+10% dodge chance. | Birth defect | -2 STR+2 dex-2 CON+2 SPD+2 LCK |
| Full page →50% chance to make a burning poop directly behind you when you end your turn. | PhysicalDisease | — |
| When you end your movement, knockback all adjacent units 1 tile. | Mental | — |
| Full page →Swap 3's and 5's in the mana costs and damage values of your spells while in a battle. 6's and 9's are also swapped. | Birth defectMental | — |
| Double the effects of your consumables but you are confused on how to eat them. | Mental | — |
| Full page →Start each battle with Bleed 3. Your basic attack inflicts Bleed 2. 5% chance of recovering at the end of each round. Contagious. | Disease | — |
| Full page →At the end of each battle, gain -1 Speed and +2 starting Shield permanently. After 8 battles, gain Trample. | Disease | — |
| Take 1 damage when you deal damage. Your heals heal for 1 extra. | Mental | — |
| You are a kitten... forever! +1 Comfort, +1 Stimulation, +1 Appeal | — | — |
| Whenever you lose HP, you permanently lose 1 Constitution. | Physical | +8 CON |
| Full page →Your basic attack inflicts Poison 3 and Weakness 1. Inflict Poison 3 and Weakness 1 on units that contact you. Gain -1 Constitution and -1 Speed at the end of each battle permanently. | PhysicalDisease | — |
| When you end your turn, automatically use your weapon on a random unit in range, for free. | Mental | — |
| Full page →Your basic attacks inflict Burn 1. Start with Burn 1. | — | — |
| Full page →+2 Brace. Slide like a rock whenever you get hit. | Physical | — |
| Full page →+33% miss chance. 100% critical hit chance. | Mental | — |
| You are permanently immobile. | — | +10 STR+5 CON-10 SPD |
| Full page →At the end of your turn, fart and Poison all adjacent units. | PhysicalDisease | — |
| Physical | -5 INT+8 CHA |
| Full page →Trample. | — | +2 STR-2 dex+2 CON-2 SPD-2 LCK |
| Full page →You can't equip head armor. Your Collarless spells cost -2 mana. | Physical | -3 INT |
| Start each battle asleep and with full health. | Mental | — |
| Start each battle with 3 bonus turns, then never take a turn. | Mental | — |
| Full page →All damage you take is reduced to 1. When you take damage, suffer a random injury. | Physical | — |
| You're quite suspicious… | Mental | — |
| When you take damage, pee yourself. | Physical | — |
| Full page →At the start of your turn, you have a 50% chance to spawn a Maggot Familiar and 15% chance to spawn an enemy Flea. | PhysicalDisease | — |
| Full page →You can't fall asleep. You can move an extra time each turn. Exhaustion sets in on round 3. | Mental | — |
| You receive double damage from behind. | Physical | — |
| Full page →When you take damage, poop. | PhysicalDisease | — |
| Full page →You explode when you are downed. | Physical | — |
| Full page →When you end your turn take 1 damage and pass a kidney stone. | Physical | — |
| Full page →Bruise 2. When you get hit, spawn a food pickup. | Disease | — |
| Full page →33% chance to enter Wolf Form at the start of your turn. | MentalPhysicalDisease | — |
| If you have a 2nd disorder, all other cats in your party gain it at the start of each battle. | Mental | — |
| Full page →At the end of your turn, fall asleep, heal 10 HP and gain 7 mana. | Birth defectMental | — |
| At the start of your turn, if there's a dead body near you, move towards it and eat it to gain All Stats Up and heal 4 HP. | Mental | — |
| Full page →When you take damage, you get -1 Constitution, -1 Strength, and spawn poisoned food. | Disease | +2 STR+2 CON |
| +50% dodge chance. You can't wear armor. | Mental | +5 SPD |
| Full page →Bonus Ability: Groom At the end of your turn, if you didn't use Groom, take 2 damage. | Birth defectMental | — |
| Full page →You have a 10% to be AI controlled each turn. When you kill an enemy, gain 3 mana and heal 2 hp. | — | — |
| Full page →+2 Bruise, +2 Bleed Thorns, and +2 Thorns. When you're downed, you get injured an extra time. | Birth defectPhysical | — |
| You can't kill units. If you end your turn without using your basic attack gain 7 mana. | Mental | — |
| When a unit ends its movement directly behind you, attack it and gain Fear. | Mental | — |
| Full page →The range of all your movement, dash, and jump abilities are capped at 1 unless they teleport. Enemies won't prioritize attacking you. | Physical | +2 INT |
| Start each battle with full mana. You can't regenerate mana. | Mental | +2 CHA |
| When you collect a coin or scrap pickup, heal instead of gaining the pickup's normal effect. | Mental | — |
| Full page →When you take damage, gain Fear and +2 Damage. | Mental | — |
| Full page →10% chance to skip your turn to scratch yourself. Your basic attack has a 50% chance to inflict Poison 1. 5% chance of recovering at the end of each round. Contagious. | Disease | — |
| Full page → | Birth defect | -2 STR-2 dex-2 CON-2 INT-2 SPD+12 LCK-2 CHA |
| Full page →After your first turn, you have permanent madness. | Mental | +1 STR+1 dex+1 CON+1 INT+1 SPD+1 LCK+1 CHA |
| Full page →+10% miss chance. You can't equip face armor. Gain an eyeball trinket. | Physical | — |
| Full page →You have a 10% to be AI controlled each turn. You can reroll your level up options 3 times. | — | — |
| Full page →Your basic attack is a melee attack. You can't equip face armor. After each battle, gain +2 Strength and -1 Intelligence. If your Intelligence is 0 or less, you have Madness. | Disease | — |
| Full page → | Birth defect | -2 STR-2 dex-2 CON+12 INT-2 SPD-2 LCK-2 CHA |
| Physical | -2 CON |
| Full page →Heal 5 HP when you damage poop. At the start of your turn, if you're near poop, you automatically move toward it and eat it. | Mental | — |
| Full page →At the end of your turn, spawn a hallucination. It has Madness, attacks any unit except you, and fades after its turn. | Birth defectMental | — |
| Full page →50% chance to start each battle dead, or alive with max hp and All Stats Up 2 and an extra turn at the start of the battle. | Physical | — |
| Full page →At the start of each battle, you lose all but 1 HP, but gain that much Shield. | PhysicalDisease | — |
| Full page →All but your face slot is locked. Your face item's effects are tripled! | — | — |
| Full page →All but your head slot is locked. Your head item's effects are tripled! | — | — |
| All but your neck slot is locked. Your neck item's effects are tripled! | — | — |
| Full page →All but your trinket slot is locked. Your trinket's effects are tripled! | — | — |
| All but your weapon slot is locked. Your weapon's effects are tripled! | — | — |
| Full page →You can't equip weapons. Spawn a Food pickup at the start of each battle. | Physical | — |
| Full page →Take your turn last. Your heals heal for 2 less. +15% dodge chance. | Mental | — |